Tips to Help You Cope With Holiday Estrangements


There may be times in our lives when we feel separated from others and it seems that the holidays are the hardest to bear when we are in this position.  There are no words to balm the feeling of grief and loss, not even succinct platitudes which are uttered that bear witness to the heaving sadness in our hearts.  Whether your estrangement is with the living or deceased, it is sometimes hard to put on a happy face during this otherwise joyous season.

Feeling alone doesn’t help, so I am here to walk this holiday season with you.  Take my hand.  Let’s get a plan in place to make the best holiday season that can be!  I want to say that it doesn’t matter what the cause of the estrangement is or with whom, but then I’d be lying, for each of us in this position feels the pain of estrangement in our own ways and in our own situations and my goodness, it does truly matter.

But in a general way, here are some tips that may help us all.

Decide what makes you happy, festive and in the mood to celebrate and plan it.

Be kind to everyone, (especially you) during the holidays.

Remember Ram Dass’ quote, we are all just walking each other home and as you may be finding it hard to walk home at this time, others may be as well.

Change is difficult, but it opens our lives up to fruitful empowerment.

Take some quiet time for yourself.  Meditate.  Take a bubble bath.  Nourish your soul by feeding yourself loving, peaceful moments of stillness.  Smile.  Pray.

Be the observer in your own life.  See how each and every person you meet is struggling and feel the compassion in being kind to everyone, no matter the circumstances.

Do your best to shine your heartlight.  Do what makes you happy and not for approval of the masses.  They may judge anyway.  Just continuej to be your sweet, loving self.

Get enough rest.  Drink extra water.  Do not overindulge in food or alcohol for it will not help you.

Silence is a gift you give yourself.  If you have nothing nice to say, then please don’t say it.  If someone says something nice to you, allow yourself space to walk away and not engage.

Listen with a loving heart for you may hear tidbits which explain the estrangement (if you don’t already know).  When you speak, do it with kindness and not with negativity nor anger.

If you must leave, then do so quietly without rancor.  Best to err on solitude than to have your actions gossiped over by others.

Remember the reason for the holiday season ~ to show kindness, generosity of spirit and love.

Make good memories for yourself and others by coming from a place of patience and peace.

Look up.  Ask for help from God.  Imagine yourself surrounded by white, loving light which protects you all the time, especially during trying times.

Bless the festivities.  Ask your Angels and God to be there with you as you pass through the holiday season.

Be grateful that you are here and do your best to make a difference with each and every encounter.  Let no one leave you without feeling the genuine warmth of your smile.

Remember that you have a friend in me.  Take my hand and know that you are loved.

Shine On!



12 thoughts on “Tips to Help You Cope With Holiday Estrangements

  1. Timely and thoughtful as always. This is a trifecta year for me…the first without Dad, which comes with a special kind of sadness; the first with Mom here, which adds the weight of her grief, and because the loss is so difficult for her, her need to have her entire family with her this first Christmas adds another layer of stress for me, as it is with one of my brothers that I am estranged. I’ve been told ‘it’s about time’ for me to forgive and forget by the family, but I know it’s not something I am not capable of doing for anyone’s sake but my own. My heart just isn’t ready nor do I think it ever will be. I cannot fake it, for that puts me in a place it took me 45 years to climb out of. I really don’t know what to do. I know why she wants her children around her, I just don’t know that I am strong enough to put myself back in the shadows for it. And to be completely honest, I am hurt too that they all feel I should. It’s selfish I know, but it’s only been a couple years since I began taking care of my heart first and I don’t want to go back down that road. Mom has become my responsibility for all intents and purposes, so in telling her I cannot be a part of it has created a dark cloud on the holidays as well as our day to day interactions. I could certainly use your hand Yvonne, so I’m taking it and holding on tight. I hope I don’t squeeze too hard ’cause right now I’m holding on for all I’m worth. I will read and re-read and re-read again hoping I can find my strength in your words. I know you won’t hold it against me if I cannot…I just wish I had the same compassion and consideration from my own. Love you xoxo

    • Dearest Rhonda, My heart welcomes your hand. Don’t worry, I’m here holding on to you. The holiday season isn’t easy to navigate with so much on your plate. Sweet friend, be true to yourself. Do your best, take frequent breaks when needed (say you have to go to the bathroom, you have to run out to get something etc). Think about your darling Superman, how much he loved/loves you and how he is here as well holding onto your heart and hand for all he’s worth. You can feel him when you are quiet. He knows how hard this is for you and he’s here supporting you. You are loved, that’s for sure. You have a soul family, (me ~ a soul sister) and we are embracing you with the white loving light of protection, of joy, of gratitude and of understanding. I write blog post reminders for myself as well as for my friends/readers so that together we can connect, unite and stay afloat when the seas get stormy. Remember you are whole, perfect and complete and you are loved. ♥ Shine your heartlight fearlessly. Let others say what they will for we all know your loving heart and it is pure. Be kind to you. I love you xoxo

      • Thank you for answering with the perfect words…my darling Superman. You’re right. In all of this I’d been crying in my quiet times rather than listening with my heart. Yes, he is here and and so are you and I know that I am safe. An angel on one hand, an earthbound angel on the other. Bless you always and I thank God tonight for you….xoxo

      • I thank God for you as well dearest Rhonda. I am sending you peaceful strength with a dash of love, light and laughter. Yes, you have many angels and you can definitely count me in! I’m grateful to be included for I know your heartlight shines. Reach out to your darling Superman. He is here for am I xoxo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s