Saying Goodbye To A House

house

Saying goodbye has always been hard for me.  It’s always been that way my whole life.  To let go is a right of passage and even though I’m letting go of a home which was never mine, it’s just making me sad.  I guess it’s the final part of an era in my Aunts’ lives and it’s breaking my heart.

I can’t figure out why I am so sad for honestly I am so very happy that the closing is scheduled and we have successfully gotten it into selling condition after all that we had to do.  But there’s a small part of me which can’t stop crying for the bereft feeling inside that I can’t label.

I wrote this a few weeks ago and simply couldn’t post it.  I was intensely sad to let go of an era ~ not so much for me, but for my family.  But now it’s a few weeks later and I’ve got some clarity.  Isn’t that always the way ~ get into the observer mode in your life, let a little time pass and voila, you understand all the tears, you can deal with the grief in a better way and you can let go of whatever it was you were holding onto back then.

Time heals by lessening hurts.  Although I don’t think some hurts ever truly heal or for that matter, some emptinesses never can be fully filled.  But we can move on, we can take baby steps towards healing and we can fill the emptiness with healing love.

Shockingly, I think it helps when people have Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia in some cases like this one.  They simply don’t remember the life they had a few months ago.  There doesn’t seem to be any hurt or sadness in the present moment, there is only presence, love and happiness.  Sure we’ve had times whereby my family members get confused with the past and present, but a gentle change in direction of conversations or a redirect in a kind way, helps immensely.

Shine On!

xo

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25 thoughts on “Saying Goodbye To A House

  1. Several years go I had the same experience, I had to sell the house that my aunt and uncle had lived in their entire married life and where I had many,happy memories. I did not want the house, but I did not want to sell the house either. I spent a year renting it out and then sold it after many tears. A house is just a building, but it represents the memories of our lives and also remind us of our own mortality. Even though I know it was the correct decision, I still have not gone back to see the house, but I do hope the new owners are as happy there as my aunt and uncle were.Maybe next year I’ll drive by the house.

    • I would love to know when you drive past the house Kathleen. I appreciate your sharing your experience here with me as it is comforting to know that I am not alone in my experience nor in my sorrow. I am thinking of driving past next month to see if anything has changed. I think to view the home as being passed on in a loving way to new people, makes it easier for me. I knew I had to take a last moment for myself to hold the loving energy of the home and all it represented to me before the closing which I was able to do. Now I hold the loving memories in my heart. ♥

  2. That’s how it is. It’s a grieving process. Every change takes a while and we have to grieve the loss and when we are ready, move forward. We grieve the loss of the familiar. It’s always best to sit with the feelings and let them express themselves fully so they don’t insert themselves into our now.

    • Marlene, I absolutely agree with you which is why I kept the first part of the post even though it was so sad and I am grateful that it may have struck a chord of familiarity in the lives of others who have said goodbye to a house. Thanks for being here. ♥

  3. I remember when my mom made the decision to sell her house and move into an apartment after my dad died. She couldn’t take care of the house, and it was the right decision – but a part of me felt like she was ripping away some of my childhood memories. My kids react the same way every time I mention the possibility of Hubby and I selling our current house because we’re getting older and don’t have the energy to take care of it. When the time comes, they’ll adjust, just as I did, but it’s always difficult.

    • It is difficult, but then again, change is inevitably beautiful when we open to the possibility of allowing a new door/new home to come into view. Thanks for sharing your story here. Big hugs to you. ♥

  4. This house represents so much to you Yvonne. Its natural to feel the pain of loss. Let your heart soften as you recall times from the past. There is always time for grieving before we move on. xo

    • You are so right Val. I think I need to grieve in the only way I knew how in order to accept, to cherish and to let go and to allow. It seems I’m doing this in many different areas of my life which is good. Just ‘finding my middle ground’ as you well know. ♥

    • I absolutely do believe that the tradition of love as you so aptly put it, is now passed along to a new family to cherish. Thank you for adding your sweet wisdom here. ♥

  5. To be able to feel deeply is a gift. Regardless of the feeling. This sadness and pain will transform into nostalgia, become beautiful memories living in your heart. I sometimes get overwhelmed when I think about my kids when they where small, and at the same time so proud about who they are becoming. Many mixed strong feelings.

    • You are so right as the feelings are a tapestry of our life’s experience, each adding a necessary color to make the tapestry so rich with emotions, both good and bad. I think when we accept the whole package is when we can understand that we need the gifts of loss and goodness in our lives. I feel the same about my sons, I am so proud of the young men they are becoming. xo

  6. This is something the majority of us who’ve been blessed enough to have a long-time childhood home, or had family members with one of those ‘special’ homes we relate happy childhood memories with, experience. We absolutely grieve for the loss of that connection. I think, in this case though, you are not just feeling it for yourself, you may also be grieving by proxy, if that makes sense, for your Aunt who can not. It may very well be the best thing for her at this time, but that doesn’t lessen the feelings you know she would have had, had Alzheimer’s not robbed them from her. Your tears and sadness…and acceptance and moving on, are just another gift you are giving her, silent though they may be. You are the guardian of her feelings as well as her self. You really are the present to her presence Yvonne…and such a beautiful point of light. xoxo

    • My dear Rhonda, it is such a gift to me that you understand in your loving way, what I tried to write in my post. Your loving embrace was so needed and felt by me and I am, as always, ever grateful for our friendship. xoxo Thanks for being you. ♥

  7. You have such wonderful insight and wisdom…I especially liked this: “Isn’t that always the way ~ get into the observer mode in your life, let a little time pass and voila, you understand all the tears, you can deal with the grief in a better way and you can let go of whatever it was you were holding onto back then.”

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