It takes infinite patience to talk with someone with Alzheimer’s and Dementia. As a daughter and niece, I speak everyday with them. It is a part of my morning routine which for the most part, I enjoy. However, there are days when I have to muster the courage to call. I won’t ever not call, even though I am not sure they would realize that I hadn’t talk with them. But on that slight chance, I won’t take the risk.
Our conversations are repetitive. It’s not easy to answer the same questions multiple times. But patience is a virtue that I am trying to limitlessly attain. I admit I lie sometimes because they want me to be doing exciting things everyday and I simply don’t have that lifestyle. I know she worries about my safety because that’s who she is, so I always bend the truth to add that someone else is driving when I hear her begin to be anxious. It’s not that I’m trying to lie, but that in her state, it’s easier for her to imagine I am having a lovely time all the time, instead of hearing about my reality.
Surely she gets tired too of my questioning what they’ve done today or what she’s eaten as she never remembers. It’s funny how she can never recall her meals and yet I know she eats 3 a day. It’s got to be so difficult to be in her position although I think we have crossed over to peace with our lives at this point.
But it’s not easy to stand by and watch helplessly. The good thing is she still knows who I am. Still recites that she loves me multiple times and of course, I say it as well. It’s always been important for her to hear and say, “I love you” to her family. That is one part that I cherish during our daily conversations for I know that life is short, the future is unknown and it’s the present of the moment to hear those precious words and know she means them and vice versa.
Today’s post is dedicated to those who work in memory care or are caregivers for those who have lost their memories. Please accept my heartfelt hug. I understand. There’s a special place in Heaven for you.
I remember sitting with my grandmother in the late 60s/early 70s. She has lost her short-term memory and it was so hard to watch. But, as you describe, there were moments where her love shined through the fog of her mind and she was sweet and caring again. I will always keep caregivers in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you Dan. How sweet of you to have sat with your grandmother and felt that love shine through. What a gift that was. Thanks for the prayers. Always needed and appreciated. Have a lovely week!
My next door neighbor has it and has just finally had someone come for a few hours to get her bathed and dressed in fresh clothes. She wanders the neighborhood looking for someone to talk to and gives away bottled water, ritz crackers or popcicles. Anything to make a connection to others. I’ve found her in my living room or kitchen if I forget to lock the door behind me. Sweet lonely lady that must be introduced with each appearance. She may remember that you are friendly, but no details like your name, etc. You are a new friend each time she sees you. I am not responsible for her care and her son looks exhausted. It’s out of his realm. The neighborhood tries to keep an eye out for her. Caregivers are Angels in human form. That circle of conversation you have each day is probably the best part of their day. No expectations is the best way to hand those interactions as you well know. 🙂 Hugs.
Thanks Marlene ~ I agree. We angelic caregivers are everywhere and you are included as is your neighborhood. For we are all connected and need to protect, love and respect all beings. I love that your outlook is this way too. xo
I love you back!
I love you too Val! ♥
A horrible disease, those who work with patients on a daily basis are amazing. I am not sure I could do it. It takes a special kind of strength.
I believe it takes strength and infinite patience. I’m not sure I could do it either, but I am grateful for those that do.
I hear and understand every word you are saying. It is a difficult place to be, caring for a loved one with dementia. I remind myself how blessed I am that my mother does usually know who I am and is still able to say, “thank you,”, “bless you,” and “I love you and miss you.” Hugs ❤
Mine too for the moment which is a blessing. Glad you have peace there as well Brenda. xoxo
You have such a wonderful perspective, your mom is so lucky!
Thanks xo I feel blessed.
My mom suffered from Alzheimers. We would visit her in the nursing home, and have the same conversations over and over again. My greatest fear was that I would arrive one day and she wouldn’t remember me, but that never happened. She couldn’t remember where her last house was, but she remembered each and every one of her children. Your mom knows you’re there, even if you don’t think she does.
Thank you so kindly for sharing and for your sweet caring. So far, she knows who I am when I see her and when I call her. I am so grateful that your Mom knew who you were as well. It makes such a precious difference, doesn’t it? ♥
Definitely. She would usually be asleep when I arrived, but when she woke and saw me, her face would light up and she’d say “[CM] – you’re here!”. It always made me feel good.
I have a smile on my face just knowing that tidbit! It makes me feel good too. xo
Where there is love, there is always hope Yvonne. Keep loving each other. 🙂
Love is unforgettable – even if we can’t recall the word there will be the feeling. Thanks for sharing this today. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing my post and for stopping by! So nice to meet you! ♥
🙂 Likewise! Love finding more and more kindred souls who are trying to manifest a better world.
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No better poof of God’s existence and place in our lives than this post.
Under these circumstances without God your witness would be of frustration and despair. Yet it is a beautiful example of hope, love and the joy, if not now present, will one day, by the grace of God, come to you both.
I humbly thank you Alan…Enjoy your weekend. ♥
I so appreciate this post!
Thank you xo
This post comes from a deep place of love, and what a joy it was to read. I’ve had similar experiences and found, like you, it works best when we meet them where they are, and do not expect more. Truly lovely post.
Thank you so very much Jet. ♥ Hugs to you! Have a lovely day!
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