Are You Angry?
Awhile back I read a blog post from another breast cancer survivor who ranted on her blog about cancer, treatment, the exorbitant price of life saving drugs, etc. Her rhetorical question, ‘why did we get cancer’ was a good reminder to me of how I have felt many times. That feeling of ‘why me?’ has surged up over the years time and again when my tumor markers spiked, when I had complications with implants and when my life turned upside down for long periods of time.
While I empathized with her situation and I understood, what I felt in recoil was her outright anger and resentment for her current situation. As I read through the comments on her blog, I realized that many of us can have a tendency towards madness when it’s a life and death situation, especially our own. The frailty of this life can submerge us into angst and many unbidden emotions can clobber our thinking. I’ve witnessed it first hand. I know that feeling. I understand.
So I went back into my archives of posts, searching for ‘why me’ and found a few below. As I reread what I had written, dating back to 2013, I was reminded that I have questioned, ‘why me?’ time and again under different circumstances, not just cancer-related. I think it’s a universal feeling that plays in our minds when things go wrong. For do you ever hear anyone who gets the most excellent news ask, ‘why me?’ over and over? Indeed I have heard people wonder why they survived, why they got a promotion, why they were gifted in one way or another ~ but they seem to accept the gift and move on with their lives. It’s in a bad situation that we continue to dig at the wound of ‘why me?’ until it bleeds in anguish.
Unless we clean out the wound and try a new way of thinking,
we are ever stuck with a painful reminder
which oozes hurt for as long as we don’t tend to the situation at hand. ~ Misifusa
I don’t claim to understand how you may feel under your circumstances. I do know that I have felt grief, loss and miserable during some of my life experiences and I have endured many different complications in my life. For what it’s worth, it has always helped me to connect with someone else who would simply be with my pain, walk with me and connect with me while I began to heal. An encourager to find peace, health, sanity again is what I am most grateful for and what I offer to you.
I found a few posts from my past which I listed below. Perhaps you can find a tidbit to help you along your way. I wish you all the best and keep you in my healing hugs.
What’s In Your Toolbox? Why Me?
Your beautiful light “shines” through! ♡
Thank you dear Lorrie! I hope you are doing great! Are you nearby? ♥
I was 😉 but had to go out of town. I will text when I am back. Thinking of you ♡
Thinking of you too. Hope all is well. ♥
I think the words, “I hear you. I understand. You are not alone.” are incredibly powerful.
And yes, your beautiful light shines through! ❤
Oh Louise, thank you ~ from one shining star to another. I see all that you do yourself and am in awe of your heartlight and how you shine on everyone! Shine On! ♥
You’ve endured, pushed through, moved on, and grown from, more than the average person does in a lifetime. Through it all; the falls, the stumbles, the triumphs, the day to day of caring for others before yourself…you’ve maintained the true sense of who you are, what you’ve lived through, how far you’ve come, and known…that you couldn’t do it alone, so you accepted the hands and hearts of those willing to walk beside you. That is the difference, in my opinion, in those that move past the anger and those that remain. And…it’s what adds another brilliant dimension to the light that is you…the light you shine on all of us as you take the best of you, add what you’ve learned and been given, and share it 10 fold…xoxo
Oh dearest Rhonda, you touch my heart with your kindness. Thank you for being here with me on this journey. Much love to you dear friend. xo
Anger is just one of the stages of grief which as you know, is part of the “loss of health” that we all go through. But to be stuck in ….and even enjoy the anger stage and pull others in there with you is not healthy. I too read these blog posts from others and have even had some not-so-nice comments on our Facebook page because we didn’t share their anger at cancer. You quote is wonderful. I will share THIS on our page 🙂 Thank you for all you do for us! ❤
Thank you Susan for sharing! It just broke my heart that so many survivors were stuck in that place of anger. I have another post about the stages of grief which I will post soon as I think it’s important to see that we are on a journey and it’s the flow of the journey with help that makes it an experience that can help us. I’m not saying that enduring cancer is good, but when those are the cards you are dealt, there is a choice in how you play them. Wallow in the pity party, throw your toys out of the crib in anger, but then move on, find a way to make your life better, reach out to others, find joy in simple things. NOBODY knows when their own time on Earth is up so we must live each day the best we can under whatever circumstances we have. Sometimes cancer gives that kick in the butt to LIVE. Sometimes it doesn’t. It’s a choice to be at peace or rant. It’s good to let out the anger etc, to cry when you need and to laugh when you can. It’s all a process. I just hate to sit by and watch people be stuck in one of the stages because they don’t have a helping hand to lead them out of the darkness. ♥ I’m willing to be the helping hand because I’ve been there. I love what you all do as well for you are helping hands too! Keep up your great inspiring work!! You make a difference everyday.
Fine post and a great accompanying quote to remember and put into practice.
Thank you Alan! I hope all is well with you.
I’m just starting to get my feet back on the ground, but it took numerous amount of people telling me, hey get up your still alive, and for me to examine my life and even then somedays I fall right back into it.
But every week a go little bit longer without the anger and grief
I am so proud of you. Life is sometimes like dancing a cha cha…you move forward a bit, only to take a step back and evaluate and move forward again. Keep taking baby steps. You can do it!
Yvonne you are such a kind soul to offer up your time to walk with others who need a friend in a time of need. Truly you are an inspiration and I love visiting your space here as you always fill it up with hope, even in tough times.
Thank you Kath, much like your blog, it fills me with loving light to connect with so many others! I hope all is well with you. ♥
I have just been reading back (your previous posts) and am so full of admiration for you. You are a shining example or resilience and have actually showed me a way out of/beyond my various angers – thank you!
Oh Jules, my heart sings that I can help one person and to help you makes a sweeter song for I read all that you do for Ants and you are a shining example for me as well. Big hugs to you! Cheers! ♥
I was once an angry person. So angry that I got sick. I knew immediately what the illness was for. It was to free me from what was causing my anger. I told the truth and set myself free. No more anger. If I keep saying my truth, there is no cause for anger. Nothing is the fault of anyone else. My illness was a physical manifestation of the anger inside. No why me’s needed. I may be backward from the way many perceive their illness. But this was my truth. Good topic. I’m glad you are better and I’m sure your positive attitude had a great deal to do with it. I started my blog shortly after becoming ill and my virtual community has helped me through it. I don’t know what I would have done without it.
You are very smart with your thinking as I believe illness is dis-ease in the body and I can relate to what you’ve said. I understand. I am grateful that you have learned so much and done so well with your knowledge! Have you ever read the book You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay? ♥
I have 3 copies of her book and recommend it to everyone with illness. I do a great deal of spiritual reading. I think I buy that category more than any. Writing books come a close second. Novels come dead last. I always get nervous when people ask me what I’m reading. It’s usually NOT a novel. I’m hear in search of everything. Knowledge and understanding. That’s why I like stopping by your blog.