Are You Angry?
Awhile back I read a blog post from another breast cancer survivor who ranted on her blog about cancer, treatment, the exorbitant price of life saving drugs, etc. Her rhetorical question, ‘why did we get cancer’ was a good reminder to me of how I have felt many times. That feeling of ‘why me?’ has surged up over the years time and again when my tumor markers spiked, when I had complications with implants and when my life turned upside down for long periods of time.
While I empathized with her situation and I understood, what I felt in recoil was her outright anger and resentment for her current situation. As I read through the comments on her blog, I realized that many of us can have a tendency towards madness when it’s a life and death situation, especially our own. The frailty of this life can submerge us into angst and many unbidden emotions can clobber our thinking. I’ve witnessed it first hand. I know that feeling. I understand.
So I went back into my archives of posts, searching for ‘why me’ and found a few below. As I reread what I had written, dating back to 2013, I was reminded that I have questioned, ‘why me?’ time and again under different circumstances, not just cancer-related. I think it’s a universal feeling that plays in our minds when things go wrong. For do you ever hear anyone who gets the most excellent news ask, ‘why me?’ over and over? Indeed I have heard people wonder why they survived, why they got a promotion, why they were gifted in one way or another ~ but they seem to accept the gift and move on with their lives. It’s in a bad situation that we continue to dig at the wound of ‘why me?’ until it bleeds in anguish.
Unless we clean out the wound and try a new way of thinking,
we are ever stuck with a painful reminder
which oozes hurt for as long as we don’t tend to the situation at hand. ~ Misifusa
I don’t claim to understand how you may feel under your circumstances. I do know that I have felt grief, loss and miserable during some of my life experiences and I have endured many different complications in my life. For what it’s worth, it has always helped me to connect with someone else who would simply be with my pain, walk with me and connect with me while I began to heal. An encourager to find peace, health, sanity again is what I am most grateful for and what I offer to you.
I found a few posts from my past which I listed below. Perhaps you can find a tidbit to help you along your way. I wish you all the best and keep you in my healing hugs.