Bent, But Not Broken

6248749_Lately, my Mom says, “Oh Lord, help me” a lot.  Every time she says it, I want to answer ~ “and help us too!”  Sometimes I even say it aloud or I tell her that we’d be millionaires if we received a dime for each time she said it lately!  Giggle Giggle.  That’s truly how much she says it.

I’ve heard all the quotes about ‘God doesn’t give you more than you can handle’ etc.  You know the ones that people offer when you’re dealing with way too much on your plate that’s sometimes not even yours to handle, but you are handling it?  I used to think it was a cop out quite honestly.  I mean really?  If I listed all that I’m dealing with right now you would think I was telling a story (lie), but I’m not.  It’s all quite honest and real and heavy stuff.  It seems like every day there is more piled on my plate and I’m not quite sure how I got so ‘lucky’ perhaps God thinks I’m made of cement because I’m sure growing stronger every day and not because I want to…but because I have no other choice.

I bend…but I won’t break.

As a cancer survivor, you learn all about having to take care of yourself.  There’s nobody else in the middle of the night who is listening to the thoughts that barrage our minds, hearts, souls and bodies.  You have to learn to make peace with all the chaos that you’re going through and when you think you’re going through hell, you’ve just got to keep taking baby steps.  And that’s where I am again ~ taking baby steps ~ through all the stuff that has fallen on my shoulders (and my Sissy’s).  Together we are bending and we each take turns in being the stronger one at that moment when the other person holds up her hand with the white flag and needs a break.  That’s the beauty of sisterly love and experiencing a bonding with your sister through traumatic family experiences.  You don’t even have to ask, you just know she needs a break and you take over for awhile until she’s rested and vice versa.  That’s just the way it is.

But as for bending until I break ~ well, that’s for another day I guess.  Right now I’m just hanging in there ~ hanging by a thread ~ holding onto that knot that I tied at the end of my rope.  I’m trying with all of my might to keep going through thick and thin and to not give up.  And I won’t.  But I’d like a bit of a rest please Lord.  Could you please just take over for awhile and take some of this heavy burden off my shoulders?  I’m a good person.  I can understand that there’s nobody else to help and we are willing to help, but golly, could you please not add more worry to my life everyday?  I need a good night’s sleep.  I keep handing off my worries to you, but the next day, I get more bad news.  I’m trying to stay calm, but I’m a work in progress.  I don’t want to give up, but I’m suffering here.  I’m feeling broken.

I bend, but I don’t break…at least not yet.

Shine On!

xo

 

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34 thoughts on “Bent, But Not Broken

  1. I am little bit afraid of saying something wrong here, but when the world rages around me I always tell myself: I am still alive, I can give Love, then I hold on to that with all I have 🙂 ❤ I will pray for you and send all my Love and all my Angel friends to you lovely Yvonne. I believe you will get through this and that life will become joyful again. just hang in there. And if you need something I can give please let me know 🙂 ❤ Big hugs to you my dear ❤

  2. Yvonne, Tom and I are only a phone call away. Call us for anything you need, even just to talk. Love to you. Xoxo

  3. My prayers for some peace of mind, some peace of heart, some peaceful sleep, and mostly, that you know you are in our hearts. We are but a keystroke away, and though that will not help with the heavy lifting (however much we wish it could) perhaps we can help with the heavy feelings. We are here for you, lean on us whenever you can. Love to you Yvonne….xoxo

  4. My hurt grows heavy as I read what you’re going through. I wish you and your sister much joy, hope, kindness, and love, to help provide at least some balance and further reason to bend without breaking. I’m glad you have each other.

  5. God must think I’m Hercules. Sometimes, I just want to sit down and cry (and I do). It feels wonderful. And then I remember…”Where God closes a door, he opens a window.” And I just pray for strength to get me through a bad day. I also remember a few other things…I know two people who are fighting cancer right now. Is my life so bad? I cry for them too. But we must keep on keeping on. Fight the fight. Enjoy the glory of every day.

  6. I wish Yvonne I could take all your worry and hardship and send it packing. You sound like you really need a break. Hang in there, I pray that you get some relief from all that is happening soon. Those hours at night thinking and worrying can be so exhausting. Sending some prayers up there and hope he is listening. xxx

  7. Yvonne,
    As one who suffers the effects of a different trial, I understand what are your daily struggles. We both, as many, have a battle in front of us and a race to be run. We don’t know if we will be victorious in battle or the winner of the race. Yet, until the battle is done and the race finished, we can both fight and run.
    Whether we win either, matters not. Many saw a man on a cross seemingly lose everything. And in the end he won it all. He revealed the immense power that suffering unleashes when endured for the sake of another.
    And we know this is true of us too, because our sufferings have already paid dividends. By the very fact that He took them upon Himself we were with Him. And in Him wearing them so well, those sufferings led Him not to death, but to life everlasting, and we along with Him.
    -Alan
    Hang in there Yvonne

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