Have You Ever Felt Like Dumbo?

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As the holiday season approaches, I must confess I feel a bit like Dumbo.  Sad, lonely and abandoned.  It’s not that like Dumbo, I don’t have a friend like Timothy the Mouse.  The fact is that I am eternally grateful for the many friends who have stuck by me as my life has changed dramatically.  But I still feel a bit like the scared Dumbo above, lost and lonely.

I think holidays bring up many unresolved issues in our lives and when all are celebrating, those of us whose lives have changed irrevocably have a hard time adjusting to the merriment.  It’s not that we truly want to bring others down to our own low vibrations, but we feel how we feel and sometimes, we simply need a Timothy the Mouse to bring us a magic feather in order for us to see how we can fly.

It’s a difficult season when we have lost loved ones to death or abandonment.  A part of our hearts go with those who leave in whatever form.  A broken heart learns to heal albeit slowly and there comes a time when we have to confront ‘the elephant in the room.’  For my own self, I am struggling quite honestly with how to go about my first holiday season ~ mentally, physically and emotionally for myself and my sons.  It is not an easy transition for any of us and one that I’ve learned is without any rules.  The best we can do is to look beyond ourselves to those around us, keeping in mind that all are hurting as well.  But to have the courage to enter the circus of holiday parties, feeling like Dumbo, is something that I’m honestly struggling with and I am hoping that someone who reads my blog may have the magic feather for me so that, like Dumbo, I can learn to fly.

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I know that my situation is not abnormal and that perhaps you have endured this change as well in your life, or know someone else who has survived this type of heartbreak.  I would truly appreciate any and all support, advice and ‘magic feather’ that you can offer at this time.  I know that in my heart, I can endure the holidays with my head held high for my children’s sakes, but at what price to my own self?  I battle with these thoughts and more daily as Thanksgiving approaches and the hubbub of the holiday season and parties begins.

I apologize for such a sad post today.  Usually I am upbeat and try to be inspirational, but I am faltering and now look to your kindness with hopeful yearning.  Does anyone have a magic feather to lend?  I am looking to fly my dear friends.  Any and all help is appreciated and if you feel like sharing any special Timothy advice, I am open and willing to listen and to embrace my strength, my tenacity and my inner love to fly.

Thanks for being with me everyday.  I am so grateful to all of my readers and friends.  May you never let go of your magic feather for we are all meant to fly!

Shine On!

xo

dumbo

*Credit to the internet for the photos above of Dumbo from the movie.

 

 

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51 thoughts on “Have You Ever Felt Like Dumbo?

  1. Oh, I remember that movie from I was little, it broke my little heart and I cried so badly my mother had to take me away. I felt so sad for Dumbo when he lost his mom.
    I wish wish wish I could be a Timmy for you, or give you a feather. It is true that we all hurt, but that doesn’t it make it any better. When we hurt we hurt, and sometimes, even if we really really want to and we try our best, we just cant smile and be happy. I think that is okay, I think the best thing to do is to seek comfort. In God, in the arms of the people we love, in our friends, in nature, in our fellow human beings. Know that you are not alone. You really aren’t. Sometimes, a way to feel comforted by God is by doing meditation. I do that. I just sit quietly, close my eyes, and say: God make me feel loved, and I repeat it and repeat it, like a mantra, and after a little while I am enveloped in this incredible force of Love, it embraces my body and heart, stirs my soul, and makes me feel like I am floating in an ocean of love, and then I start crying, not becaue I am sad, but because I am so very touched. It is a beautiful experience. We all hurt, that is not something to make us feel better, but to make us understand that we are not alone, that there are so many people out there who wants nothing more than for us to feel loved and happy. It really is true. The world is full of such people.
    If you need a hug, just ask for one. If you need a hand to hold, just ask for one.
    Dont be afraid to ask for what you need, you are doing the giver a favour by giving value to his or her life. Remember, Jesus himself did not have a good job, no money, no wife, no kids, he was hated, mistreated and lived in poverty, still he loved, he loved the world, and he made people feel loved, and it is him we honor this season. His courage, his faith in the world, his ability to love. Christmas is about divine Love coming down to earh and being channeled through us. It is not really about eating and parties, and relatives, and presents and santa, there is nothing wrong with all that, but that is not what Christmas is about. You know, if Jesus was here he would have come over to you Yvonne, opened his arms and embraced you while he kept telling you: You are loved dearest daughter, you are so so loved, more than you in your human form can even begin to understand. You are loved by Heaven, and Heaven will hold you and carry you, and you can just rest here in my arms, and be my own beloved daughter. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

    • Trini, my words aren’t as poetic as yours but I want you to know how touched I am by your loving support and wisdom. Tears streaming down my face, I wish we could embrace but I know we are faraway in distance, but in hearts, we are right next to each other for which I am very grateful. Bless you dear Trini ~ I am off to meditate, ask for hugs and send out love. xoxo Many thanks for the reminder of God’s loving embrace. You are a special person in my life. ♥♥♥

  2. First and foremost I want to tell you how loved you are and that I am so very sorry that you are in so much pain. It can be a difficult thing, to give advice, because we feel the way we feel and heal the way we heal. I know we all throw around words like “strength…courage…hope” and those words are meaningful. But the truth is, when you are wounded..deeply wounded (a soul wound), it can be so isolating, draining and paralyzing to your spirit. Every road feels like a wrong turn and taking baby steps feels like walking in weighted shoes! The holidays can magnify all of this…that is why so many people get depressed this time of the year. My only advice to you would be to find another soul that needs comfort..that needs love..that needs your beautiful light. Shine for someone who is living in the shadows and your heart will start to heal!! Xoxo

    • I love how you know me so well and can express how I am feeling with such accuracy. Our soul connection is so strong and I’m ever grateful for you in my life. I am trying just that, to shine for someone else so we can heal. Shining for my children and others, but at times, like when I wrote the post, my heart is just so broken that I feel the incredible need to reach out for help. Thank you for being here with me during this ~ your presence is a balm to my heart. xoxo

  3. It took such courage to write that post, and you probably will never know what a gift it will be to some whose reaction might be, “Thank God, I’m not alone! I’m not crazy!” In my mind’s eye, I am lifting you up into a warm, healing beam of God’s light and love. It is surrounding you, comforting you, and enfolding you in love and the certain knowledge that you are loved and not alone. Sadness is neither a curse nor a disease. It is a valley—where you are only walking through—and from which you can really appreciate the mountain heights when you reach them.

    • My heartfelt gratitude for your visit and wisdom! Your warm healing beam of God’s light is much appreciated and the valley image is perfect for me. Thank you for your presence here. ♥ May you have a lovely day for you have made mine special too.

    • Wow Elizabeth, much gratitude to you for your profound and caring comment. I appreciate your comforting support and love. I love the idea of hills and valleys and the beautiful mountain top. So I am slowly climbing out of the valley each day, a little at a time. Some days I stumble a bit but I guess that is par for the course. But the loving energy that I feel from sweet souls like yourself, helps me to take those necessary baby steps. Thank you so much. ♥

  4. I so appreciate the inspirational words you share through your posts. And, I am so sorry that you are experiencing distress in your life and pray that the burdens you carry will soon dissipate.

  5. I don’t have a magic feather but wanted to let you know that I feel for you. I know from personal experience that holiday’s can be rough in general but especially when this is the first of all the new changes. Love you ♥ ♥ ♥ HUGS ♥ ♥ ♥

    • Kathy, thank you for connecting with me. I appreciate your support and hugs so much! Yes, I think the set of firsts is hardest so I am praying that I can be my best at this time when everyone is counting on me. Love you too xoxo hugs and hearts ♥♥♥

  6. Yvonne,
    When we lost my dad to cancer it was difficult to think about holidays. For the first year after his passing my mom and I respectfully passed on invitations from family or friends. We would see the holidays through at a restaurant. That way we were able to let the healing process progress, and not be concerned with the feelings of those who may have hosted us at that time. Avoided the walking on eggs circumstances so to speak.
    I’ve heard of an idea, that I believe when one is ready, may help those who feel that can’t celebrate holidays without their lost loved ones. The practice is to set a place at the table in memory of the loved ones we’ve lost. It is comforting to some to include those who have passed in that way.
    In any event, Yvonne, know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
    -Alan

    • Alan, thank you for including us in your prayers and I will keep you and yours in mine as well. The first year my Dad passed a friend sent a candle to me to light his spot at the table and it helped. Thank you for your kindness and healing suggestions. I am so happy we are connected. ♥

  7. An honest and heartfelt post Yvonne. In my healing sessions I draw wisdom cards for my clients, and so I thought I would draw one for you and your situation.

    “You are being gently encouraged to step into your power and into the dream of your life. New things are out there to be explored, and the nurturing power of the universe is giving you a nudge in the right direction. You will get the help you need and will not be alone in your quest. Every step you take now is supported by the wisdom of the universe. You are on the right path… keep going.”

    I hope this speaks to you and encourages you in some way. Much love.
    Karen

    • Karen, I must admit I have tears streaming ~ please accept my heartfelt thanks for I have been asking for help and guidance from God/Source/Universe but had been unable to hear anything. Your wisdom card is accepted with love. I have been given much help as I try to accept this change but many times I feel very alone and stuck. My power ebbs and flows as time moves on, but now I will ‘keep going’ because you’ve let me know ‘I’m on the right path.’ Big hugs of gratitude for your encouragement and kindness. I am very grateful for our connection and friendship and your expertise. xo Happy Thanksgiving to you. ♥

      • I’m so glad this card resonated for you Yvonne, you are such a beautiful soul and special person. We all struggle at times to know, and I admire your courage and honesty always. Much love.

  8. Well, I won’t have my son or any of his family here this Thanksgiving – he’s in NCO training in TX and she’s taking my grandsons to go see her family in Dallas. I’m looking at the coming Thanksgiving holiday weekend as “Yay, I have four days off!” I’ll have turkey sandwiches with tomatoes, pickles, onions, and lettuce, and I will sleep late (that’s about 5:30 for me). I’ll read and write school papers. I’ll catch up with a few friends. I’ll enjoy my time off and still be thankful. I don’t have a problem being with ‘me’ because ‘me’ is pretty special.

    • Thanks Karen for the gentle reminder! I am proud of you and I will find joy in the time I spend alone this weekend. You inspire me and I appreciate your comment. Yes, ‘me’ (you) is pretty special! I heartily agree! ♥ Happy Thanksgiving to you!

  9. If I could I’d pluck a feather for you from an angel’s wing. If I could I’d make all things broken right again. If I could I’d have kindess and hugs delivered to your doorstep. But alas, all I can do is offer up prayers for you and send hugs and kisses through the blogosphere. Much love and huge, gigantical hugs, Yvonne. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

    • Natalie, I love your list of if I could’s and I love your CAN and I feel your loving support with much gratitude from my broken heart. Thank you dear Natalie. I am ever grateful for our connection! I welcome your gigantical hugs and return them with much love to you. xoxo

  10. Hi Yvonne. Although I don’t have a magic feather either, I will offer some advice that was given to me many years ago. My mom died 2 weeks before Christmas 8 years ago. She had been sick for 2 years and had been a hospice patient for 9 months before her death. At the time of her death, I was seeing a grief counselor. Just a few days after my mom’s death, I remember telling this grief counselor that I didn’t think I could enjoy Christmas that year. It almost seemed that my enjoying Christmas or feeling happy would feel like I was dishonoring my mother in some ways. I didn’t have the energy “to do Christmas” that year and remember telling the counselor that I just wanted to crawl in bed, pull the covers up over my head, and hibernate throughout the holidays. These feelings I had brought on much guilt because it was my oldest son’s last year at home (he was a senior in high school) and I wanted that Christmas to be special for him. I remember the counselor asking me what I was stressing most about over the holiday season. I told her it was the usual “to-do list.” Things like putting up a Christmas tree seemed so stressful to me (which I had not got around to doing since the last weeks of my mom’s life I had literally lived at the hospice residence in a constant hypervigilant state). I remember her asking why I felt I HAD to put up a tree. I told her it was for my family and especially for my sons. It was our family tradition every year to go to a tree farm, pick out a tree together, cut it down, and then go home that evening and decorate that tree as a family. I told her sending out Christmas cards and doing my Christmas baking (things I usually enjoy) seemed overwhelming to me. I remember her exact words to me were: “Gail, you know the world is NOT going to come to an end if you don’t send out Christmas cards or do Christmas baking and the world’s NOT going to come to an end if you don’t get a Christmas tree put up!” She told me that grieving and mourning took up a lot of energy and brought on new stresses and responsibilities of its own and so I needed to do whatever I could to eliminate what stress I could and I needed to ALLOW myself to feel my sorrow and hurt instead of pushing it aside. That was a real epiphany for me. I realized after talking to her that everything that was stressing me out about Christmas had nothing to do with the true meaning of Christmas at all. At the time, I didn’t realize what good advice she had given me. Now I think she gave me some of the best advice ever! That year, I didn’t put up a tree. I didn’t send out Christmas cards and I didn’t do any Christmas baking. I didn’t have the energy to even finish my shopping. And you know what Yvonne, the world didn’t come to an end! I needed every bit of that energy to spend on grieving my loss. A few days before Christmas I had the idea to put up my mother’s little table top tree and I decorated that with all her decorations- her white lights, gold ornaments, gold bows and I placed her white and gold angel on top of the tree. No stress of putting up a big tree and yet her little tree somehow made me feel her presence that Christmas and bought me a little peace. That year, that little tree was sufficient. It wasn’t our usual, but it was enough.

    I pray that you can allow yourself to feel all those feelings you have inside. I can only think that my counselor would probably tell you NOT to feel like you have to enter into the “circus of holiday parties” this year if you’re not up for it. I pray that you can let go and drop into God’s arms, for He will never let you fall. He is there and His love for you will never fail. One day, you will fly again like Dumbo. It may not be during these first holidays of your loss, but you WILL fly again. I’m sure of it.

    • Gail, thank you for your kind note. My deepest sympathy to you for the loss of your Mom. I love that you used her Christmas tree and that it brought you peace ~ do you still use your Mom’s tree? I appreciate your shared wisdom. My faith is strong and I am trying very hard to find peace within me. I want to fly again~ thank you so much for your loving support. Knowing you are sure I will fly again makes it feel even more possible. I am grateful for our connection and friendship. I keep you in my prayers (and your Mom). xoxo

  11. I understand completely, and you are not alone. This has been an odd season for so many, and we feel set adrift. Jesus loves you, and his promise never to leave you or forsake you. We have found each other through this wonderful blogging avenue, and I will keep you lifted up in prayer. There must be something good coming our way…we don’t go through these valleys for no good thing. We will come out victorious. God Bless you dear, keep your head lifted high, lest your crown wobble. Shine on.

    • God bless you too Wendy and keep shining your special light into our lives (and into mine please). I love the ‘lest your crown wobble’ and will keep that image as I walk through this valley for now, looking for the mountain tops where I seek peace. xoxo Big heartfelt hugs to you. ♥

  12. Awww, so sad. You need a friend to give you a hug. Your post reminded me of the following passage from an Anne Lamott story:

    “Into every life crap will fall. Most of us do as well as possible, and some of it works okay, and we try to release that which doesn’t and which is never going to. On the list of things she could still do, Barbara included: “Clip my nails with a very large nail clipper , hear songs in my head, enjoy a baseball game, if the Giants or Orioles are winning.” Making so much of it work is the grace of it; and not being able to make it work is double grace. Grace squared. Their somehow grounded buoyancy is infectious, so much better than detached martyrdom, which is disgusting. This is not what Barbara and Susie signed up for, not at all. Mistakes were made: Their plan was to spend as much time as they could at Yosemite, the theater , Mendocino, and helping people with breast cancer. But they are willing to redefine themselves, and life, and okayness. Redefinition is a nightmare— we think we’ve arrived, in our nice Pottery Barn boxes, and that this or that is true. Then something happens that totally sucks, and we are in a new box, and it is like changing into clothes that don’t fit, that we hate. Yet the essence remains. Essence is malleable, fluid. Everything we lose is Buddhist truth— one more thing that you don’t have to grab with your death grip, and protect from theft or decay. It’s gone. We can mourn it, but we don’t have to get down in the grave with it.

    Anne Lamott, Small Victories: Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace

  13. Yvonne, Let yourself be fully in this sad place for now. There is much to feel sad about…. and its okay to feel all of this. Don’t hide it away or stuff it under a rug. Don’t feel bad about not being upbeat. Be YOU.
    Embracing what is, is an important step along our path of evolving and growth.
    There is nothing wrong with being sad. It is only our thinking that comes up with this.
    You are beautiful for being you and expressing your humanity ❤️
    Sending you a virtual (HUG)
    Val xo

    • Val, your hug and sweet advice is held by me in my heart. Thank you so very much. It is hard to feel so sad for so long, to grieve for what is not mine now and it is in the grief that I am releasing and letting go in order to embrace a new chapter of my life. It’s just hard but it is so comforting to know there are so many souls like yours who care and who are so very kind to me. Thank you for being you. xo

  14. I just wanted to say hugs, and you aren’t alone, although I know sometimes it seems like it. As you know, like many of the other posters here I lost a parent, in a horrible way. It was only a few weeks ago. In our cultural tradition, we generally don’t celebrate holidays for a year afterward, I guess because it is hard. Whenever you are sad, know that there are always other people who are going through things too…in the end, most of our lives are fundamentally the same. So you are never really alone, although it may feel like it sometimes. Big hugs.

  15. The feather was a symbol of “belief in yourself”. You may not be able to do this right now, but as you live through this sadness and see you are whole, perfect and complete, you’ll come to know you always were. My prayer is that you allow all of us around you to hold you in our hearts lovingly. You are such an angel for us all in our lives every single day, that we all need to do that for you now. Much love and compassion to you with a strong belief you will be better, higher, and more awesome on the other side of this temporary experience as you get through this. HUGE hugs!

    • Thank you so much Bobbi for your unwavering love and support. I am being soothed in the knowing of loving supportive souls who are holding my hand and heart while I endure this chapter in my life. It helps immensely ~ just like you have. xoxo

  16. Oh my dear friend! I love you! I read so many beautiful blessings here and I am so grateful for this incredible community that we are a part of. I send you the biggest hug! I know how sad you are…but I know you will come through all of this!! ❤ ❤

    • Thanks Lorrie ~ feels so good to receive so much much loving support and wisdom. I bask in the knowledge that there is a planet of love out there with so many caring souls who reach out to me as I reach out to them. Thanks for being my dear friend. xoxo

  17. Yvonne, so much love and wisdom here for you. I hope you can receive it, that you find what you need here…that the feather may land gently for you. Be kind to yourself and let go of all judgement about how it should be as you walk through the valley. I’m holding you in my heart…

  18. Abandonment and loss are so hard. They have to be worked through, or rather, they work their way through us. I have learned that these things recede at their own pace, getting more distant as we get more used to focusing our attention elsewhere. Grief is an all consuming emotion and like life, we have to let it flow. It will have a beginning, a middle and in time, an end. Sending much love to you xoxox

  19. I can SERIOUSLY relate to your struggle. Not only have I experienced one of the worst years of my life (beginning with a gang mugging between Christmas and New Years last year and going rapidly down hill from there), I lost my only sister several years ago – when she finally lost her battle with breast cancer (metastasized to bone as a result of having to stop cancer treatments every time her pernicious diabetes reared its ugly head with complications).

    So much about the holidays is now missing for me – I miss her gleeful calls about her Christmas prep for her two boys more than I ever thought possible. I still cry when it, seemingly out of the blue, hits me hardest. I still have days when I wonder if I’ll ever feel happy again, but I’m thankfully past the point where depression shuts me down for days at a time.

    Grieving takes it’s own [not so] sweet time, and we all work through it uniquely. We seem to be alike in that blogging is one of the ways we cope.

    Give up the “should”s. You are right to inkle that you must allow yourself to authentically experience your particular process. I learned that one really doesn’t have to “put on a happy face” – that it’s enough to quietly participate through the sadness, in whatever way one can – and that my TRUE friends will allow me a bit of ranting and raving.

    Here is my little “feather” attempt: have an honest [age-appropriate] discussion with your sons – let them IN. Explain your own low energy state and ask them what they feel up to, along with what “rituals” are most important to them. Talk about how you can work together to handle the Christmas tasks.

    Allowing yourself to “take off the mask” for that little moment might give you the boost you need to enjoy a bit of holiday cheer, however brief the moments.

    The prayers of THIS Dumbo are with you.
    xx,
    mgh
    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
    – ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”

    • Sending you heartfelt healing hugs Madelyn. You have endured so much that I hope you can find happiness in the coming weeks, allowing the caring of the connections and village here to help you as you heal. ♥♥♥ Thanks for sharing your story with me. I’m honored.

      • Thanks for your hugs – we have to stand together or we’ll fall apart, right?

        I left you a comment on my blog to the comment you left on one of my articles yesterday, but I wanted to add to my comment here.

        I neglected to say how GOOD a writer you are. You explain your feelings so well that I could feel them even if I didn’t already feel similar. You tackle a difficult issue with a grace that is rare – so something is working through your subconscious, or you wouldn’t be able to DO that.

        As they say in the theatre, “Courage Camille!” I know that a time will come when things won’t feel so actively “off” for either of us – that it won’t take as long we fear, but it probably won’t come as rapidly as we hope, either.

        We BOTH must allow ourselves to heal in the way that we, uniquely, manage it – and give ourselves the time it takes, despite all our “should”s about how we are supposed to feel during the Christmas holidays.

        My heart is with you. xx, mgh

      • My heart is with you too M and with everyone else who may be entering this holiday hubbub with reservations or sadness. It is in connecting with others that we empower ourselves and them as well. For that gift, I extend my hand as we take baby steps forward into the holiday season. My gratitude for your kindness and your sweet comment. Thank you. Big hugs to you M! ♥ xo

      • ::smile:: SO grateful for your support as well – and all support I find in the blogging community.

        We seem to be a rare breed, (judging by the trolls who do not blog but only flame & the “live” folks who seem so impatient).

        Let’s pat ourselves on the back, those of us who extend to others despite our own struggles. Christmas angels are smiling down on us, I have no doubt.
        xx, mgh

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