“A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials. “
Let’s be clear, I’m not looking for perfection. Not for myself nor for anyone else in the vicinity. You can choose to look for whatever you wish. I will tell you though, that I think you are perfect, just the way you are ~ the way you really are ~ that soulful you. The one deep inside beneath all the rubble of your outside persona. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? The inner being who inhabits the human body called YOU.
That being is perfect. That person is love. That soul is perfect.
And when it comes to asking that all-important question, “why me?” I think the above Chinese proverb is a good start. Nobody likes troubles, illness, death, financial problems, feeling unloved, tragedy, violence etc in our lives. We’d prefer a quiet, loving atmosphere in which to grow and to enjoy the time we have here on Earth. But ‘life happens’ and we are many times thrust into situations of which we have little or no control over and we must dog paddle our way to the safe shore. It’s not fun. It’s not easy. Trials and tribulations aren’t usually fun. Little pings of anxiety after them aren’t either. They are simply nudges I think to get our lives back on track if we’ve fallen away from our purpose.
But after the incident/illness, when we look back, we can see how the trials shaped us, refined us and polished our lives. If you have endured life changing moments, you may understand what I am trying to say even though today I feel as if I am floundering in how I am writing to you. I am not saying, for the record, that I am happy that I had breast cancer. Oh no. I would have been happy with a peace-filled, illness-free life. But am I grateful for the trial so that I learned how truly strong I am, how I can reach out to help inspire others and how being loved and loving others means the most in life? Well, then, yes. yes, and yes.
Breast cancer changed my life permanently in all different ways. My physical body, my physical abilities, my mental state, my brain’s capacity and even my spiritual awareness all are irrevocably changed. I have a chronic illness that I cannot overcome. I have memory problems. I have limited abilities in areas where BC (before cancer) I was limitless. There is time that I can never get back. There are many losses and few gains. There is a learning curve which I never expected. There are answers that I never even knew I could seek and find. There are questions that will remain unanswerable and I must find peace within in order to move on.
Sometimes it boils down to the simple…I am here and gratefully present.