I’m just a collection of mirrors reflecting what everyone expects of me. ~ Unknown
Do you feel this way too? I would love to know if this is how you’re feeling because I think that we all reflect what is expected of us by each person we encounter. Quite honestly, speaking for myself, I know that my Mom expects me to be her caretaker, to take care of everything that has to do with her life now that my Dad is gone. I am the Mom for her, but also the daughter, the clown, the one who makes her laugh, who will push and prod and cajole to get her to take some baby steps forward in her life so that she doesn’t waste away. I am the one who is supposed to always be happy and healthy, the one who calls with a giggle in her voice every morning, asking cheerily, “How’s it going Mom?” and is patient and kind when she repeats the same news from yesterday. That is her expectation and that is what she gets from me.
When I was down, feeling awful and having a bunch of tests, my patience level was a bit low and I was a bit cranky and boy oh boy, was that met with shock! How could it be that I wasn’t happy and cheerful when I called every morning? Why was it that I wasn’t smiling and laughing and cajoling anymore? I was told in no uncertain terms that it was unacceptable. Why couldn’t I be the daughter she knew and relied on?
Hell, at that point, I was just surviving. I was sick, depressed, feeling awful, worried and I’d had enough ~ and yet she wanted more. She wanted her happy, carefree daughter that did everything for her without complaint. And I was resentful. I was angry that she dared to not like the real me. I was hurt. I was upset. I felt alone and without support.
So I did what I knew would make things better. What I’d done for a lifetime ~ I pretended. The next day, I switched gears. I used up my precious energy to be that person she expected for the few minutes every morning that we spoke. I never told her what was going on in my life. I was unable to tell her anyway because I knew she couldn’t handle it.
I did what was expected.
I’ve done it my whole life and I’m tired. I want to live my life in a richer form. I yearn to break free of the expectations put upon me by others. I am tired of pretending that I can measure up when, “quite frankly my dear people, I don’t give a damn.” ~ Gosh how I love Rhett Butler’s line! But it’s true. I have no problem accepting and fulfilling my responsibilities. However, as for these mirrors and expectations, look out my dears, they may be coming down! This balloon wants to soar!
Do you dare to join me?
I heard this line this morning and immediately wrote this quote, but I couldn’t find who said it. But thank you to my dear friend ML, who wrote in a comment:
According to http://www.krishna.com/world-names, the source of this quote is: Psychologist Rollo May quotes one of his patients as saying, “I’m just a collection of mirrors, reflecting what everyone else expects of me.”