Depending upon the situation, I usually prefer to rely on myself for too many times I’ve been berated for being sad ~ even having been told that my personality had changed when my Dad died and I was left with the burdens that followed. To this day, that thoughtless comment has changed the way I feel about sharing and has caused me to pull away from those in whom I confided and trusted. I’m surrounded by well-meaning friends and family who sometimes just don’t get it and when I’m feeling that misunderstood, I simply hibernate until I can re-emerge the happy girl that they prefer ~ and they have shamelessly told me that they prefer the happy girl.
What is it about being sad that bothers people, especially when there’s a death, a loss, an illness and many stressors involved? Is it proper to simply pretend all the time like they do? That all is honky dory instead of reality? Being that one dimensional is boring to me and quite utterly superficial. I’m not a proponent of being sad all the time, but I do allow myself to feel my feelings. I can’t help it. I am ME and I am not them.
The older I get, the more I have moved away from such personalities. I find it hard to believe that being real and actually answering the ‘how are you?’ with a truthful answer, even couched with the positivity that I know things will get better, can be misconstrued to such a degree. Perhaps with those, it is better to simply say, ‘fine’ and move on as that’s how they’d prefer the answer. There’s no depth when we answer in a robotic manner when it’s truly not fine.
I have friends and family whom I trust to help when needed and I seek them out. We share a trust which allows us to help each other on a deeper level. Fine, just doesn’t cut it with our friendship when the tone of our voices show that things are anything but fine. We support each other and we allow each other space. We’ve connected beyond the ‘fine.’
Most of the time, I am ‘fine’ but I like to use more descriptive words ~ happy, healthy, blessed, feeling yippy skippy! (ok, I just made that up, but you get what I mean!) But I also know how to self-soothe and reach out when needed. You know that I love to connect with others, so if you need me, you know I’ll be there for you! I will hear the un-fine in the word fine and lend an ear, a hand and a heart!
Shine On!
xo
Daily Prompt: I Am a Rock
Is it easy for you to ask for help when you need it, or do you prefer to rely only on yourself? Why?
Photographers, artists, poets: show us SELF.
http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/09/04/daily-prompt-self/
Misifusa's Blog 
You always shine – whether happy or sad..it’s just who you are..
Oh Mimi, you are so kind ~ thank you. Happy New Year to you! xo
My comment to you on this rocky ledge we call life, on this I Am A Rock day….is simply this….YOU ROCK! And Mim’s right…rain or shine, yippy skippy, or pouty doubty, you are just simply ‘wonderful’. 🙂
I feel the same way about you dear Rhonda! Big, big hugs to you! ♥
~♥~
You know I’ll always be one of the friends in that latter group. Love to you!
This I know for sure! xoxo
Being able to “feel your feelings” is pure strength-you know that you can get through hard times without withering away–and you know that even if it’s not today, you will have your happy back. Eventually it always wins.
I was once told I was grieving “too long” after I lost my dad and it was time to “get over it” (I was 9 years old so assumed the adult was right) and just a few years ago when I returned to work after my illness my boss told me that I wasn’t as bright as I used to be before cancer (!). There will always be the drag-you-down people, but what gets me out of bed in the morning is knowing that I have filled my life with pull-you-up people; they’re out there, and yes, I ask them for help when I need it. I think it opens the door for them to ask me for help.
Shine shine shine!
Oh yes Jill! I was told the same thing when my Dad died (but I’m older) and after cancer, I’ve been told the same thing! Well, the bozos don’t realize that cancer changes you, inside and out. It made me more grateful, more understanding and more ‘me’ if that can be said. I am shedding the peeps that don’t raise me up. Thanks for connecting. Keep on shining! ♥
So very true.. Putting on the happy face so as not to upset people!!! I was no good at asking for help I had to learn that one!! I think I am better now at being more open with my feelings … 😥😱😃😎😋
Good for you Helen! I think it’s healthy to have and to show feelings! 🙂
You sound like a very good friend…a rare treasure.
Why thank you! That is so sweet! 🙂
I love the richness of your sharing and your emotional and spiritual response. I have found, too, that there is something very powerful in feeling sad or mad or something that is not happy and sweet (which admittedly, I, too, prefer). Something about being authentic and real. Something so wonderful when you have friends that ‘get it’ and are ‘there’ with you. Thanks for your post.
Vicki, thanks for ‘getting it’ as many do not and sometimes I feel like I am not making myself clear. I appreciate your understanding. ♥
You have touched a nerve here – thank you. I am finding myself falling into that trap of telling people things are fine and we are getting through each day. Thankfully I have close friends as wonderful as you and tell me they don’t beleive me – they are allowing me the space I need but are always near when I need someone to just listen or give a hug. I have found there is alot of love and understanding in just one hug. I “hibernate” as well or as Tom would tell me I lick my wounds until I find my way again. This summer that is what I did. I just came home from my BSF leadership meeting and it feels as if God lit a spark in my heart again. Our Teaching Leader has a exceptional gift with words and true servants heart – God used her tonight to move me another step forward. God is healing my wounded heart and I thank Him for placing just the right people in my life to not take my “I am doing fine” line as the truth of how I am doing, but lovingly listen to exactly how I am feeling. You are like my TL – a loving and caring person with a servants heart. God bless you my friend ~ Patty
Dearest Patty ` a heartfelt, loving hug to you. Can you feel the support, the understanding and the caring? I keep you in my prayers, tucked away in my heart, hoping that the pain lessens. I’m so happy that you found your spark. Tom is here with you ~ love doesn’t change except in form. God blessed me with YOU my friend. I feel the same about you. Big hugs xoxo Holding hands…
Yes, I do feel the support and love from everyone. Your prayers mean so much more than words can express. So many emotions right now, but my mind is slowing down and for the first in months I feel more like my ole self. I can feel Tom’s presence everywhere, but it seems the strongest at church – how great is that?
I love that ~ so happy to hear from you. Sending you big, heartfelt hugs today and always! xoxo
{{hugs}} back at you!
I am glad that you can find your true authentic self, amongst your pain. I had a family member pass away in the last year too. I relearned more about the meaning of life, such as letting go of judgment on yourself and others and leaving the cage door open for feedback from others and yourself. I agree with you to be the change you wish to see in the world. You have a spiritual heart that reaches out to the masses, your father must have been very proud of you.
Kim, it is so lovely to see you again. Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry that you experienced a family loss this year. Please know I am thinking of you. I really like your image of the cage door opened ~ how well you understand! Thanks for sharing. You are a special person! ♥ Big hugs to you!