I recently met a man who reminded me to change my way of thinking. He repeated to me a phrase that my Mom has said to me so many times beforehand, especially since my Dad passed away. He said smiling to me, “when it’s your time, it’s your time.” We were walking through my yard during a big thunderstorm and he was carrying a floral umbrella that he had gotten out of his car. When I giggled at the flowers, he smilingly told me that his wife had put it in the car for him.
As we walked to the backyard, lighting was popping around us. Being short and in a raincoat with rubber flip flops, I felt fairly safe. I mean, he’d be struck before me! (Just Kidding). But it was his easy gait and manner that had me so enthralled. He wasn’t being macho, quite the opposite. He began to tell me how just last November, his 11 year old son passed away. His family was devastated. It was in the middle of a Nor’Easter. The National Guard was at his house, just after Hurricane Sandy, trying to dig them out of the snowbanks in order to save his son, but to no avail.
As I stood there in the lightning storm listening to him, I was overwrought with sadness for him, for his wife and his children. His happy demeanor belied what they had endured. He said that what has brought him peace was that ‘when it’s your time, it’s your time’ and that now his son wasn’t suffering anymore. He related that his wife was having a hard time still and that he was trying very hard to help her. He said it was hard as there’s a big hole in their lives now and they are just trying to pick up the pieces. Their son who passed away had special needs and had required 24 hr care. Their lives had been built around him and their other children (including his twin brother).
I was speechless. His calm demeanor, his peace within, all radiated around him and he had no idea how much his story affected me.
We were in my backyard because I had him redo the pond in the back of our house for my hubby as a surprise wedding anniversary gift. You see, years ago, the pond was uprooted and over time vines grew over it. As much as it was beautiful when it was at its peak of splendor, it now was looking downtrodden, unloved and neglected. Sometimes that’s how we look when we don’t take care of ourselves either….but that’s for another post, another day.
When my Dad died, that same phrase gave my Mom much comfort as well for there was nothing more we could have done for him. He had fought, we had tried everything known to man, but ‘when it’s your time, it’s your time,’ ~ a mantra that her family had used time and time again. I believe that there’s something simple in that thinking, simple, calming and perhaps allows us to regain the bit of control over our own lives.
Believing that ‘when it’s your time, it’s your time,’ you allow the control to slip and you can enjoy the time you have left on this earth. Don’t you think? At least for me, this way of thinking allows a freedom of sorts. Mom’s idea that you’re dealt your ‘death date’ and that’s it makes me feel freedom to be, to do, and to enjoy without worrying about how much time I have left. If it’s all written out beforehand by God/Universe then WOWZA, I’m going to party like it’s 1999 (oh wait, I already did that!)
But you know what I mean?
What do you think about this? Do you feel that it’s already written the day you’ll die or is it something you can control? Is it something that we can even control with our choices or the choices of those around us? I know that this could be a firestorm of a post, but I freely open it up to you all.
For me, whatever it is, I am going to enjoy today, this moment, this PRESENT of PRESENCE because right now, that’s all I have, all I can wittingly control and I choose to be happy, feel and give love and submerse myself in the gratitude of this happy moment!
What do you think?