A Full Year of Sadness

10753428_So it’s coming up on the one year anniversary of my Dad’s passing and I guess I’m feeling a bit weepy these days.  I just can’t seem to get myself organized to actually write a decent post, so I’ve been quiet because I just don’t seem to have the energy to write.  It seems like he’s been gone for a very long time and yet at other moments, it seems like he just left.

I think because I’ve dedicated the entire past year to my Mom and her grief, Dad’s business and taking care of all of the things that Dad did, that I’ve not allowed myself to truly grieve.  I’ve had bouts of tears and they’ve been bubbling below the surface for a long time.  But I’ve had to be strong for everyone else, forging through the mountains of paperwork, sifting through the calls, the sympathy cards and taking care of his business all the while, taking care of everyone else but me, so they haven’t been allowed to flow freely.  They’ve been held back, measured and given freedom in small doses.

Not a healthy choice, I know.  But it was my choice, what I thought was what I was supposed to do, what I should do and had to do and what I needed to do as the caregiver, the elder daughter and the peacekeeper.  But it’s come to my attention, that I need to make time for me now.  It’s just hard to extricate myself from the role that I was handed by default and taken up since he passed.

I know that change is hard and that self-change is hard as well.  When I change, I know that it probably won’t be met with acceptance by the others.  Surely there will be a transitional period of time that may not be comfortable for us all.  But it is necessary now.  I have done my duty and now I need some time for myself.

I need to grieve.

So please excuse Little Miss Inspirational’s downtime, but in stretching out of my comfort zone, I’m taking care of me.   I know it’s not going to be easy, but I know it will be worth it.

Thanks for your support and understanding. 

In the meantime, keep stretching out of your comfort zones and…

Shine On!


44 thoughts on “A Full Year of Sadness

  1. Such a terribly difficult time and yes, you most certainly need time to grieve. It has to happen and you will go through the steps, whether you try to delay them or not. Wishing you all the strength during this process.

  2. Sometimes following our hearts and stretching doesn’t look like we thought. But being true to ourselves is so satisfying in a way I can’t yet express fully. Blessings to you as you take the time to grieve.
    I’m here –
    Love –

  3. You cannot be ALL things to ALL people. So many of us spend every ounce of energy making sure that everyone gets in the “life-boat”, that they forget to get in themselves. It feels uncomfortable when we don’t meet others expectations…..but feeling uncomfortable will pass! It takes practice….but before you know it, the feelings will come and they will simply wash over you without depleting your energy, health & spirit! Girl, it’s time to “get in the life-boat”!!! All my love, xoxo

  4. Totally understand and agree that it’s time for you to grieve. Take care of yourself and know that your in my thoughts. Take all the time that you need. Big HUGS ♥ ♥

  5. Of course, you must care for you. You will be supported and carried by those who love you, and you will teach others by example of the importance of grieving. There is simply no way around it, only through it, hard as it is… sending hugs for the journey and bumps along the way. xo

  6. My heart is with you. Of course, you have been strong and supported your mom and did all the things you thought you should do. And, how absolutely wonderful not another day will go by without you taking care of yourself and really experiencing where you are right now. I wish you peace on your journey ahead.

  7. You definitely need to take care of you. There is no right or wrong time to grieve & there really is no this is when it starts & by this time all should be ok. It comes & goes in waves. And – everyone is different too. Take your time now – later & whenever else you need it.

  8. GOOD FOR YOU, Misifusa! And if that means taking time away from blogging, then do it. And if it means taking time to blog then do that. I’m happy that you plan to put more balance into your life.

  9. My thoughts and prayers are with you, as you know I am going through the same thing. There is so much I want to write and do yet my body screams no. Over the years I have learned to listen to my body and am glad you are listening too. Do what you can, we all love and respect you. In Christian Love ~ Patty

  10. Pingback: Dance Like Nobody’s Watching! | Misifusa's Blog

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