I never thought I’d be grown up. There’s a 16 year old girl deep inside me who peeks out occasionally to do something I Love Lucy-ish and she is like a talisman to me that I haven’t lost my youth even though now I’m a mother of 2 teenage sons! Technically I’ve been a grown up and a Mom for a long time, but honestly, I don’t think I felt like a true grown up until my Dad died.
Mom and I were talking about Dad as we often do and as we got off the phone last night, my Mom told me how proud she was of me and how proud Dad would be of me as I’ve taken over everything since he passed. Her compliment hit a tender spot in me and when I got off of the phone, I began crying a bit. It was as if a flood of grief emerged and swirled within me, finally being able to be released. It meant so very much to me to hear her words as I am trying very hard to keep it together all the time, to be the strong one of the family and to keep everything organized all the time, all the while, dealing with my own family, my business which has been left by the wayside as I deal with the problem du jour and continue to attend to my parents’ financial affairs. I’ve had to step in and become the matriarch ~ a job I never dreamed I’d need to fulfill. I explained to Mom how Dad had ‘trained me’ (his words which I disliked) in his office. At age 11, I began working in his law practice and earning a paycheck. There I was taught to think like him, to be lawyer-ish and to cover all the bases when dealing in business. I had always abhorred when my Mom and sister had called me, “Little Al” in reference to my Dad, but now I am happy that he taught me all that he did for this new chapter is my life would have been much more difficult if he hadn’t guided me at such a young age.
Even though I’m now adjusting to being a real grown up, there’s still this little Lucy inside who just won’t rest ~ and I’m not letting her go! But this post, I’m dedicating to my Dad ~ Rest in Peace Dad ~ I’ve got it ~ remember, you taught me!
Hug your loved ones today!
Daily Prompt: All Grown Up
When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?
Probably, sometime next week……..
Make sure you hug them close! 🙂
What a moving and beautiful tribute to your dad. I am proud of you for taking care of family business. I am sure you are a blessing to your family.
Thanks Diana ~ I try my best! I appreciate your kindness xo
a lovely piece – I wrote on this topic today, but not so eloquently or deeply
You are so kind! I am coming over now…want to have a cup of tea together? xo
cinnamon apple is my new favourite
I’m a coffee girl actually, but I’ll bring the pastries! xo
pastries…we are now friends forever
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Isn’t it funny how the younger generation looks to us for wisdom, and we still have the little kids inside wondering when we will feel ‘all growed up’? 😉
You said it beautifully because that’s exactly how I feel! Although I don’t think anyone but my kids look up to me ~ and even they are taller than I am now! hee hee
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Your post touched me, Misifusa. I’m glad that you and your dad had such times together and that what you learned is serving you and your mom well now. May your life soon return to something closer to normal despite your loss.
Thank you for your kind and loving words Russ. xo
I’m sorry it was a hard night, but I understand. It was when I retired and both parents had passed that I realized I couldn’t say I wasn’t an adult anymore! The thing is, I’ve decided I’ll just accept that I have all my ages and stages as a part of me now, too!
I love that peacefulness about you! xoxo
I don’t know when i felt grown up, however i can tell you when i felt old. I was at work with a young 20 something and they didn’t know the song on the radio in the elevator was Material Girl by Madonna. That was the moment i realized i am now middle aged,blah!!!
Thanks for the giggle ~ don’t let that lil’ whippersnapper get you down ~ really, who doesn’t know Madonna? 🙂
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Your post brought tears to my eyes and warmth to my heart 🙂
And just to let you know that you are linked to ‘A Sixfold Thankyou’ on The Hurt Healer
Thanks Carolyn! Congrats to you! 🙂
Nice blog. I lost my dad about five years ago and even though we wen’t close (you’ll have to read The Box story on my blog when you are bored to tears) I still wonder if he is proud of the woman I have become. I think daughters always want their fathers approval in everything they do.
Oh Cheri, I am looking forward to reading your blog as well…thanks for connecting with me. I agree with you. We always want them to be proud of us. Guess it’s just human nature! Hugs to you!
Beautiful..and a touching glorious tribute to your dad…Somewhere he is smiling very broadly..
I hope so ~ either that or he’s shaking his head at how I’m doing it all! 🙂 Hopefully he’s patting himself on the back for having taught me all that he did! Thanks Mimi. xo
Lovely post, so close to our mindset, I dare say.
What is it that keeps that young kid inside each one of us? Is it some kind of a feel good delusion we wish to hold onto? Or is it some innate survival strategy as we grow old? Or is it some deep psychological need to be our past selves as we confront an uncertain future?
Hi Shakti ~ Great questions ~ all I know is that I keep that little girl inside of me to keep my mind, heart and soul young, fresh and always happy! 🙂
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