Bucking Expectations

So yesterday morning I awoke at 2am and couldn’t go back to sleep.  I laid awake for a few hours, all sorts of thoughts running through my head, until finally at 4:30am, I made my way downstairs to my laptop and my favorite Breakfast Blend coffee and began my day.

I recently heard that one of my favorite aunts from childhood passed away in August.  She had eventually gotten Alzheimer’s after her hubby passed 13 years ago.  Her husband was my Mom’s brother and he was like a Dad to me.  He was a special man…whenever we (my sister and me) stayed over their house, Uncle L would always have something fun for us to do and Aunt R would make sure that it was a treat beyond our wildest dreams.

For us, life was great going to their house ~ we loved them and their children who were 4 and 7 years older than me.  It was like having an older sister and brother who just adored you and honestly, we adored them!  Life was always fun at their house and we often stayed for days with them.

As a child, they were such happy memories and we were completely oblivious to the complicated adult relationships that surrounded us.  Eventually we got older and stopped staying at their home, but all of those visits are warm, happy memories in my heart.

Time passed and we were let in on the complications, the fights and the ugliness which surrounded the adults and finally, upon my Uncle’s death 13 years ago, the strain broke the relationships and they faded away.  Oh there were a few fights, some back stabbing, he said/she saids…but I was dealing with cancer by then and fighting for my life.  I didn’t have the strength to fight for anything else.  But all the same, it made me sad that all ties were broken with our Aunt and cousins.

This morning I searched the internet until I found Aunt R’s obituary from August.  Funny thing is that by the time my younger son was born, we weren’t in contact, but if we had been, she would have been delighted to know that they shared the same birthday.  It’s sad to me now that it only is known to me because the rest of my family won’t have anything to do with them.

Truly, I’m not sure who’s in the wrong or who’s in the right and frankly, I don’t think I give a hoot anymore.  Life is short my friends and so I decided to BUCK EXPECTATIONS and send sympathy cards to my cousins.  In addition, I sent them each a separate card telling them how I feel.  I am sure that any family reading today’s post will be shocked and appalled, but truly, I don’t care anymore about the past…I want my cousins to know that I honor their Mom and Dad…that I now know what it’s like to lose a parent and I’m not afraid of anyone’s disliking what I’m doing anymore.

This is My Life.

Whew…big words for a little girl, don’t you think?  I preach about sending out love, touching hearts with cards and telling others how you feel now before it’s too late.  I want you to know that sometimes it’s not easy to do and I get it…I do.  But when I opened up my heart today, the words flowed out and I felt love.

I hope that they will receive my cards with the love intended…only time will tell if I should ever get back a response, but I know in my heart that I’ve said my peace, send my heartfelt love and prayers and let them know that no matter what, the love, kindness and beautiful childhood memories in my heart will always be alive…and for that, I am ever grateful.

Thinking of you…

xo