my thoughts are with you
Today’s card is a picture that my friend JAngel sent me this morning ~ I added “my thoughts are with you” because it’s been a recurring theme in my life these days. I’ve been surrounded by angels helping me and my family on this journey ~ many repeating the above as a mantra.
I say the same quote to my Dad as I keep waking up early in the mornings, hours before the alarm begins to beep. In the quiet of early morning, I find myself chatting with my Dad and feeling as if he can hear me…I imagine his spirit leaving his body to visit each of us as the machines rhythmically pump oxygen into his body to keep him alive. Although he’s not ‘answering me’, I feel a peace settle into my heart as I tell him how I feel. As I count my blessings and memories of him, I feel my heart grow and peace surround me. I want him to know how I feel ~ and I don’t hold back as it isn’t all good, but certainly isn’t all bad either. I’ve forgiven him for what I deemed as his foibles…I don’t judge anymore…I just found love ~ simple, pure and encompassing love for him as a whole.
A complicated man is my Dad. And if truth be told, I think we are all complicated ~ with different facets of ourselves. We wear various hats for different people as I think we have purposes in each others’ lives. If my Dad hadn’t done his job perfectly in my life, I wouldn’t be where I am now and who I am now ~ and for that, I am eternally grateful. Growing up, I was unable to see that, but I can now and I am blessed to be able to see and understand more about Dad.
I held anger and resentment in my life and I am finally free of it. It’s been difficult to hold onto those things in my life that weren’t serving me, but I did it for so long that I never realized the heaviness inside of me. If I can give you a piece of my experience, it is to embrace only loving memories and let go of anything else that doesn’t serve a loving purpose ~ for yourself, your family, your friends and for your life.
My Dad is human, with foibles as we all are…but I embrace the love that I know he has for me and I for him. I have watched and listened as so many have come forward to tell me about the hats he wore with them, and it’s been like feeling hugs from Dad with each and every story and anecdote.
I continue in my state of gratefulness ~ grateful that I awoke early enough to have a few moments of peace before the hustle and bustle of the day begins. Counting my blessings, being thankful for all of the Angels in my life (thanks to JAngel for coming to visit from faraway) and thanks to LAngel for journeying with me yesterday to NYC. Angels continue to pop into our lives unexpectedly to help us on this journey with Dad. JGAngel simply appeared to lend a hand on Saturday for me as well ~ I feel like I am surrounded by Fairy Godparents left and right…all to make the transition easier to bear.
Sometimes I think Dad has a hand in this transition ~ helping us to accept what will happen.