To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are
for what we could become.
Today marks the 10th anniversary of my double mastectomy. Normally I don’t begin the month of February thinking this way, but at 4am, when I awoke with my mind churning, it’s what popped into my head…and so I went for it…I’ll tell you that today, 10 years ago, I took my first step into taking care of ME.
I was scheduled to have a single mastectomy (breast removed for those unfamiliar with the term) but in my heart of hearts, I knew that I wanted both removed so that I wouldn’t have to worry about the calcification in the real breast that remained.
It was against my doctors’ advice and quite frankly, my husband wasn’t keen on it as well because of the added pain involved in removing both…but I decided for myself and like the little stubborn mule I can sometimes be (smile here), I endured the surgery I needed and had it completed as I wanted.
And it’s been the BEST decision I’ve made as it eliminated all worry about the cancer returning to the other breast.
Of course, it’s left me with 2 reconstructed ones which aren’t even close to the natural ~ a permanent change I’ve grown to accept as it’s given me health for the past 10 years and afforded me millions of beautiful memories with my family.
Ahh…the sacrifices we make…
But it is because of the breast cancer experience that I’ve endured that I am the person I am today. It is because of what I’ve seen, experienced and had to accept that I am a different person. And I honestly wouldn’t go back to the person I was before ~ although I would like my boobs back.
I was always spiritual, but only superficially. I didn’t understand life and death as I do now. Having spent hours alone thinking about death has given me a new perspective on life, love, friends, family and the day to day conundrums of the living.
I appreciate life more ~ appreciate my family ~ I have learned about so much ~ I now listen with my heart and not just my ears ~ I can see now ~ really see what I need to in that spiritual way (a la “I see you” in the movie Avatar.)
For those of you going through changes in your life, fear not…yes, there are sacrifices we make, choices as well…but sometimes in order to become the butterfly we are meant to be we have to endure some sacrifices. We are meant to be butterflies…
Rest assured, in the end, it’s all worth it.
Fly High My Butterflies!